…this attitude I have toward You. A decision to forgive. A mindset to let go of bitterness that has buried itself deep in the core of my soul, clinging on for dear life; a dissension between us.
In truth, I forgave You gradually overtime, for as Your Love healed and Wise Counsel revealed roots of pride and the bitterness in my heart, regarding the timing of desires to come to fruition. And though I still wonder, I am left to have faith that Your timing is perfect; Desires will be revealed at the right time in the right place.
Your Son once told me to not just trust Him, but trust in Him. I chewed on those words for days, like a cow eating cud, the words rolled over my tongue multiple times; infusing me with wisdom that I struggled to understand. Days passed, weeks, even months til my faith grew stronger and my trust in Him lead to understanding and ultimately healing and forgiveness toward You.
I am less hopeless as I sit at your feet and more hopeful. I am less restless and more content that You have me where You want me. Now, granted, I am human and I do arm wrestle with you about all of this sometimes; You always know it’s coming. But You don’t punish me as I once thought, You don’t hate me as I once believed, You are not identical to the God I once knew.
“I will never leave you nor forsake you. (Deutoronmy 31:6b)”
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