Catch & Release

I’m not entirely sure if you meant to catch me, but you did. We were two souls out in the wilderness, trying to find our way through hurts, fears and the baggage that followed us in the shadows. Then you appeared out of the blue, catching my eye, dazzling and pursuing me. Hesitant to go…

Winterberries

Here I am squatted by your grave, if you had one, I think this is where it would be. Tucked away from society, deep in the thick of tall pines and luscious green grass, with dancing wildflowers. Oh yes, this is definitely your space. I think you brought me back here once when I was…

Those Tender Moments

February will be a year since you left us. As I rummage through old notes this evening, I ran across this one, when I visited you almost a year ago. Closing my eyes for a moment, I savor a time in the past. I sat beside you holding your frail thin skinned hand, while we…

Her People

I’m a foreigner, though, I call her grandma. I sit with her, feed her, hold her hand, calm her, take walks with her, and used to care for her. But, my face will never be familiar and though my presence may be enough, it will never fully be comforting. She wants you, her people. You,…

Letting November Go

It started by mourning the loss of my mother. Her death hit me so hard, that I am still in disbelief that it happened at all. I have a frozen image of her in my mind, living, breathing and I miss her like the dickens. November, all 30 days of it, I had forgotten who…

Yes, You May Call Me a Pawn

I pretend that I’m visiting from out of town. I am on vacation for the summer, sitting upon the terra-cotta deck overlooking a large lake full of boats going wherever the wind takes them. Blue sky and linear clouds just beyond my reach, thoughtfully sorted apart and timely covering the sun each time I get…

Losing You

Walking away is the best I can do as you cry yourself to sleep at 4:42pm. For all you know it’s morning, as you have the last few months at this time. You are confused, but you don’t know why, you are incorrigible, nothing will help the situation, thus is the reason I must step…

Villain in the Night

You’ve been caught red handed robbing the bird feeder in the darkest hours, like a thief at an ATM. This is not the first time I’ve caught you perched upon the white fence leaning ever so slightly toward the squirrel proof feeder; just enough to keep your balance and slap bird seed into your paw….

Half Awake

I lay here in my dark bedroom listening to the sound of water, when metal shower curtain hooks scrap across a metal shower bar pulling me straight out of my dream state. Immediately, all I could say out loud in a whiny voice was, “Nooohoho!” It’s 3am…dementia is awake. It has no concept of time,…

Becoming Someone Else: a fading memory

I wish sometimes I had a little camera on my glasses so I can visually show my parents the situation when I explain it to them later than 4:30am.  I faintly hear my voice in the dark surrounding my dream state. In a panic, I open my sleepy eyelids and wait for sound to break…

Where Does She Go?

I sit with my grandmother often, a ready hand when she’s in need. I am a safe place when she is lonely, a conversation techie when questions arise, a chef satisfying her taste buds, a hugger in confusion, and an encourager of her independence. At 99-years old, she’s lived longest in this home, raised a…

A Deeper Kind of Relief

Your voice is faint, calling me from the bathroom. I can only imagine what you want or need from the privacy of the throne. I open the door and peek my head in to find you straining to push out a poop baby from your anus. My rescue brain goes quick into action bringing you…