Ugh. Job Seeking.

I seriously thought it would be easy to find a job after I was laid off late August of this year. I mean I job seek for others and there are plenty of open positions. Why couldn’t I find a position for me too? Well, for starters it would be helpful if I knew what I was looking for. What I didn’t expect to find that after holding a position with multiple facets, I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do now. It’s as though I was sitting in the drivers seat at a four way stop asking myself “Where should I go? What should I do?” and hearing nothing.

In September, I took a hiatus from almost everything: church, my schedule, food, I even got “out of dodge.” This was a chance to get away and literally not think, but just go and be. It was a great adventure, but when I needed to get back to reality, fear and lack of trusting God showed its cards. I attempted to apply for unemployment finding later that my nonprofit employer opted out of it. At first I was angry and stressed, but this help kick me into gear to at least apply for something. I applied for positions that I qualified for and many that I did not. I applied in and out of state, all returning nothing. Hearing silence from companies is dreadful. And just when I thought silence was hard, then came the “Thanks for applying, however, we decided to go with someone with more experience.” After my 5th refusal, I now let those responses roll off me with no affect.

In October, the Lord called me to Him to spend time in His word daily. This gave me a chance to fall in love with Him all over again. As mentioned earlier, I took a hiatus from the church I was attending. After a month away and attending elsewhere my hiatus turned into a leave. You see, my renewing love for God didn’t start until after I changed churches. I craved to hear His word each Sunday and dive deeper into His word daily. I couldn’t get a enough. I leaned on Him more than I ever had and He blessed me by taking away the anxiety and fear of finding a j-o-b. He put people and opportunities in my life to lift me up, it’s like He was saying “I got you.” While in my God cocoon, I spent time researching job titles, this was a great way to help me narrow down my search field and gave me an opportunity to discover positions where I am able to help and equip others. In my search, I found a role that carries this passion for me, so I applied.

Then in November, I received push back from Satan. I had a lack of enthusiasm for job seeking and became fearful about applying to positions that I had no real interest, even though they would have brought in revenue. With dwindling reserves and unwavering trust, I continue to job seek and have recently applied for two positions where I can see myself in; I’m tired and my body knows it. I’ve slid backward to square one in my desperation. So, here I am, writing today dreading to write another cover letter and still sifting through the crap in my head. This job or that job….California, Michigan, Ohio, Texas…please Lord just show me where I should be!


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